i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
