he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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