I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
