She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
