dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
