What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
