I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
