Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
