Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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