I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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