I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
