these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I got inside last night via doggy door
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
