Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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