I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
