therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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