I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
