Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
