Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
