I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
