New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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