i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
