i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
