maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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