I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I touched a dick in church today
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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