I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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