I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she looked like the before picture.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
