FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
