Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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