Nicole vs. Life
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
