I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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