Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
