my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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