I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
