I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
