everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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