I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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