How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
its not stalking. its research.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
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I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
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Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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