Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
