is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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