Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
