Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
