"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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