Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
