TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
