Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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