idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
