his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
drinking out of a sandbucket again
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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