explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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