Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
