i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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