...so i touched it.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
