I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
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