wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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