Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
