Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
