thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
