My liver just broke up with me...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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