i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
