morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
