The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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