and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
