She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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