The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
