Sponge bath it is.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
