i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
