The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
