I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
