two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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