I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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