Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
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