I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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