Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
