Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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