I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
