Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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