Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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