I'm lost and stupid without you.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
