...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Screwed.edu
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
